Surprise Surprise, Its Cilla-ry Clinton

Funny story written by Bo Paske

Tuesday, 27 September 2016

Ask most people, and they'll tell you that beloved Liverpudlian pop star and broadcaster CILLA BLACK passed away due to a stroke on the 1st of august 2015 at her holiday home in Estepona Spain. However an anonymous source within the entertainment industry has today cast doubt on that narrative, and suggested a far more shocking version of events: Cilla is still alive to this day, and running for president of the USA.

"It was always her dream to be the first female president of the United States, she'd often talk about how she thought it would be a lorra lorra laughs." The whistle-blower revealed. When it was pointed out to her that being a British citizen made her goal unreachable, Cilla simply wouldn't take no for an answer, clinging onto hope until one fateful day in 2015.

"Paul O'Grady had jokingly pointed out that she looked a bit like american secretary of state HILLARY CLINTON. She'd initially laughed it off, But pretty soon she had begun to formulate an elaborate plan: to fake her own death, get minor plastic surgery, and flee to america to secretly replace Hillary in the presidential race. I think she was conscious of her advancing years and realized if she was ever going achieve her dream it would have to be soon." he went on to claim.

When questioned about the whereabouts of the real Hillary Clinton, the informant let drop another damning revelation: "I happen to know that she's dead, and buried in Cilla's fake grave. When all her fans were there at the funeral, it was really Hillary Clinton they were paying their respects to. Cilla is a dangerous and Machiavellian woman, who knows what else she's capable of. The thought of her with her finger on the nuclear launch button fills me with terror." The frantic source told us.

Practiced in the art of deception from hosting such shows as surprise surprise and blind date, feigning a convincing american accent would be a trivial matter for Cilla Black, and with no shortage of wholesome charm, its not difficult to imagine her taking to the showboating world of American politics like a fish to water. With every aspect of her life a matter of public record, Cilla was apparently able to research the role of Hillary Clinton so thoroughly that not even Husband Bill was aware of any change. When confronted by our reporter, the former president angrily protested. "If my wife had been replaced by a 72 year old English pop star, I think I'd have noticed god dammit!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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