It Should Have Been Sherrod Brown, Elizabeth Warren Or Joe Biden

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Saturday, 23 July 2016

image for It Should Have Been Sherrod Brown, Elizabeth Warren Or Joe Biden
"I can sure pick them!"

Hillary Clinton should have picked either Senator Sherrod Brown of Ohio, (18 electoral votes), Senator Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts, (11 electoral votes), or multi-experienced Vice President Joe Biden as her running mate.

But Tim Kaine? Just the name makes one's face wince up in question: Who is he? Hillary has been around forever, but Tim Kaine? Okay, he's from Virginia, (13 electoral votes). Yeah, but who is he? If Stephan Colbert described Mike Pence as, "…a jar of mayonnaise struck by lightning", Tim Kaine resembles a candy cane waiting for Christmas. Even his name supports that theory.

"Ho, ho, ho."

Bernie Sanders would have been preferable. Sure, Vermont has only 3 electoral votes, but the guy came close to winning the nomination. He has a national constituency and a give away program: Free school, free health care, free chicken every Sunday. What's not to like?

And she picks, "Ho, ho, ho!"

The jar of mayonnaise must be pleased as punch that he doesn't have to debate Senator Elizabeth Warren. He would have disappeared from the podium and ended up spread on a turkey sandwich.

"Whatever happened to Mike Pence?"

"He was standing at the podium, squinting in preparation, and then Elizabeth Warren started talking and like boom, he disappeared."

Pass the salt and pepper.

Sherrod Brown is the senior United States Senator from Ohio, (18 electoral votes) in office since January 3, 2007. Before the Senate, he was a member of the United States House of Representatives, from 1993 to 2007. He served as the Ohio Secretary of State (1983-1991) and as a member of the Ohio House of Representatives (1974-1982).

Boring, but he has experience in government.

The guy was an Eagle Scout, Yale graduate, with a Pulitzer Prize winning wife and has a very, very sexy voice.

Mayonnaise would have emulsified into cream cheese during a debate.

So after years of running for president, countless senate hearings, endless speeches with priceless price tags, Hillary Clinton has finally captured the Democratic nomination for President of the United States and selected "Ho, ho, ho," as her running mate.

It's grim.

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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