Written by Moose

Tuesday, 20 October 2015

image for EPA Formally Declares Humans are Danger to Environment

WASHINGTON, DC - The United States EPA announced today that humans threaten public health and the environment.

"The administration will not ignore science or the law any longer, nor will we avoid the responsibility we owe to our children and our grandchildren," EPA Administrator Lisa Jackson said.

The EPA administrator ruled that humans emit and create toxic air pollution and are therefore subject to regulation under the Clean Air Act.

"The Clean Air Act sets out a simple premise, which is, once you know you have pollution and once you know it's endangering the environment, health and welfare, then EPA must act," Jackson said. The EPA now has unilateral authority to act, including registering all existing humans and newly born humans.

"What it says for the rest of the world is that although Congress has not succeeded in passing the big piece of climate legislation, nevertheless the United States is prepared to move forward in dealing with humans," Sierra Club chief climate counsel David Bookbinder said.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Environment, Humans, EPA




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