Cruz and Bloomberg Promise a Safer Tomorrow

Written by Harry Klondike

Saturday, 23 April 2016

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Ted Cruz said he is seriously considering Michael Bloomberg as VP if he gets the Republican nomination.

"The most important thing to me is that he has family values and is a friend to Israel. Those go hand in hand. If you don't love family and treat Israel as a sacrosanct beacon of light in a world of darkness then there is no room for you in my White House."

"He's also going to get tough on drugs. We're losing too many God fearing Americans to prescription drugs which are abused because the Obama administration treats marijuana with an intolerable tolerance. No drug problem in the history of man has occurred without marijuana being at the root."

Bloomberg said that if VP he would make public safety a top priority.

"There isn't just the chemicals but other behaviors that lead to the chemical experimentation. People stare at flashing lights, hyperventilate, and play choking games to get a buzz. I'd make sure security cameras are used to check for people breathing excessively on purpose or blinking in a suspicious manner on sunny days. You can never be to cautious! This is about saving lives!"

He also plans to ban aerosol whipped cream since it contains nitrous oxide as a propellant.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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