Associated Press, April 1, 2016. Donald Trump today promised liberals that, if - no, when - he is elected president, they will not need to move to Canada, because he will live offshore.
"I promise you that when I am President, I will not live in the United States," he said at a news conference.
Pressed for details about his future plans, Trump said that he had already received numerous invitations from foreign leaders to stay with them as a guest.
"I've always wanted to see Russia," the candidate stated, "and Istanbul. I've heard that they really know how to do goat there."
Asked how he proposed to govern from abroad, Trump replied that he would use Twitter to communicate with his cabinet, with the Congress, and with "all of the wonderful people who turned out to vote for me."
One reporter asked whether the 140 character limitation of Tweets might present a problem when it came to running something the size of the federal government. Trump replied that he would issue an executive odor [a direct quote] to Twitter to expand the capacity of its Tweets by 50%.
"That ought to be enough," he said.
