NFL Owner Gives Headaches, Not Aspirin

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Tuesday, 29 March 2016

The risk of taking a baby aspirin is as dangerous as owning an NFL franchise. Scientists ought to spend billions to learn what owner Jim Irsay of the Indy Colts already knows.

Yes, it appears that being a member of the billionaire bozo club is not quite as brain damaging as attending monthly meetings with other billionaires. You may feel a headache coming on.

We won't know how brain concussed Jim Irsay is until after he is dead, but he is giving all the signs of being a maroon in life.

Medical experts should recommend that their patients go out and throw themselves in front of 300 pound linemen every week and see if it feels the same as taking one aspirin per day, according to Irsay.

Taking a daily aspirin may cause a little bleeding in the brain if Dr. Irsay is correct, but that is much worse than being at the bottom of a scrum of five NFL crash dummies.

After years of living off his father's money, Jim Irsay has achieved the wisdom of a Tibetan high lama without the benefit of aspirin.

We have come to conclude that Irsay is the kind of NFL owner that believes his sport gives headaches, but not never concussions.

How many Jim Irsays will it take before you need an aspirin?

Irsay said the NFL is such a popular and healthy activity that every nutcase in the world accuses it of being unhealthy to play. You'd think Irsay would need an aspirin, but he'd rather take his chances watching football every week from his luxury owner's box.

If you ever needed evidence that idiots rule the NFL, you no longer have Roger Goodell as Exhibit A. You have Jim Irsay as the poster child of aspirin induced medical dangers.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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