The United States Congress passed legislation this morning dictating the parameters of what refugees will be allowed in the country. "Of course, there will be exceptions," stated Paul Ryan, Speaker of the House of Representatives. " After all, we are not a nation of bigots and racists," stated Ryan.
The New York Times in a front page editorial declared, "Never in the history of this country have the actions of our democracy been so sullied! The Statue of Liberty should be weeping bitter tears this day!"
Further reading of the legislation details who and who will not be allowed into the US. Any names that end in berg, stein, uang, x or z will automatically be excluded. The written questionnaire also eliminates anyone that calls soccer football.
The NY Times states that an investigation of the two million Syrian refugees shows that not a single person has had the name Smith or Jones. "Say what!?, responded Ryan when told of the survey by a journalist.
The major networks, excluding Fox News are reporting a universal reaction to the legislation---"DISGUST!" President Holland of France declared, "America, land of the free and home of the bigot!"
In Mexico, the major TV network declared, "As for our neighbors to the north we have only this to say----see ya---see ya---wouldn't want to be ya!"