Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Thursday, 5 November 2015

image for Dentist Shoots Cougar In Bar: Claims Gun Went Off By Accident
Cougar Morgan

BILLINGSGATE POST: Henry Smelt, a 29 year old dentist from Wichita, Kansas, shot a 54 year old cougar in the Everything's Game Bar and Grill in Wichita. The bar is widely known as a notorious pick-up spot in an affluent area of this Kansas prairie town.

Dr. Smelt, who earned the moniker, "Wichita Sleaze," while attending Dental School, had a penchant for pulling out his gun while talking dirty to an appreciative Morgan. The term "Morgan" is used by him in describing a person or thing that might give him an "unexpected pleasure." Perhaps redundant, he would not only use "Cougar" and "Morgan" interchangeably, he would also use them together. He would also refer to the ladies as "Skunks."

As an example, if there were a cluster of targets on the radar, Wichita Sleaze would keep track of them by using Navy terminology. To identify multiple potential enemy targets, the first one would be tagged "Skunk Alpha," the next, "Skunk Bravo," and so on.

Usually it wasn't until after the lady had bought him at least a couple of cocktails before he would show off his gun. This evening, however, he claims that this so called Cougar Morgan he was being seduced by was "a little more aggressive than most." Sleazy perhaps, but he blames the accidental discharge of his gun on the fact that she had been reaching into his pocket for some time while nibbling on his left ear lobe.

At the end of the evening, only Sleaze walked out of the bar with a smile. The Cougar just had a bad night.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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