Written by Chris Paxman

Monday, 24 August 2015

Donald Trump is facing intense public pressure to reveal the method of working behind his idea to build The Great Wall of The United States. Fresh allegations have surfaced that it could be based on at least one fantasy series.

The border chastening wall will keep deviant Mexicans out of the USA. It will also be visible from space, where Trump hopes to place at least two million Mexicans by the time the wall is completed. Trump's supporters have largely kept their concerns private as they believed he was influenced by real life barriers such as The Great Wall of China, Hadrian's Wall, and the West Bank Barrier. One of Trump's advisers later ruled out the West Bank influence, deeming fences, ''a fallacy in modern barrier design.''

Sightings placed Mr Trump in the vicinity of a hotel lobby where an episode of popular T.V. show Game Of Thrones was being aired. Unsubstantiated rumors also describe the billionaire hovering and acting suspiciously near a table where a copy of The Lord Of The Rings had been discarded. It's not clear if he knew he was being watched, but we should clarify he was not seen handling the weighty tome.

It's a blow to his campaign staff, who have worked hard to give his image the hard, cold edge of a Mace - a type of weapon used in medieval fantasy settings. There is no party rule against using fantasy novels for inspiration. However, within GOP ranks there is a deeply held belief that novelists and T.V. producers are generally less visionary and less capable of building believable worlds than right-wing politicians.

While Republicans can get away with referencing fantasy characters such as 'God' and 'Jesus,' it's because they are archetypal characters and have only really appeared in one work of fantasy. Still, the GOT and LOTR links have raised worrying issues.

Speaking from a role-playing den in Oxford, UK, games master Ben Triddlewick said, ''Walls in fantasy novels always have a weak point - a drainage outlet or an entrance tunnel slap bang in the middle, that can be breached with primitive explosives, elf magic, or kicked in by giants. What I want to know is how powerful is Mexican Folk Magic? Does Trump have a Force Barrier spell he can cast? I doubt it. There doesn't seem to be any magic in capitalism, not for me anyway.''

A reporter put in a request to see Mr Trump's architectural plans, workings, and any mind maps that helped him arrive at his decision. However, an insider revealed the design for the wall could go full fantasy and consist of a great wall of fire. ''There would be a deep trench filled with burning barrels of oil. Mr Trump could fund it from his personal wealth for probably four years,'' said the source. To be fair, any stint as President wouldn't be expected to last any longer.

In the meantime, Mexicans are being randomly picked and dropped in front of various wall designs to see if they can overcome them, and placed in park-sized puzzle boxes to see if they can find their way out.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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