Footpath Overtake 'Awkward As Shit': Reports

Funny story written by Tarun Chaffey

Tuesday, 28 July 2015

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Footpath Overtake 'Awkward As Shit': Reports

Locals were stunned Monday afternoon when several bystanders witnessed what could only be described as a cataclysmic error in judgment when Michael Sainsbury, 24, attempted an ill-timed footpath overtake.

Leaving work hurriedly to avoid an impending downpour, witnesses saw Sainsbury approaching the intersection of Hunter and Carlisle St, with Sainsbury 'bearing down at a rate of knots' on elderly local Stan Bordrach, 92, who by all accounts 'shouldn't have been taking up the whole god damn footpath'. Sizing up his overtaking opportunities, and growing significantly more impatient by the second, witnesses sighted Sainsbury sidestep left then right no less than one metre behind Bordrach, shortly followed by a sharp exhaling of breath emitted by Sainsbury when he realised that stepping off the narrow path would dirty his shoes.

Noting a slight widening in the path ahead, witnesses sighted a visible increase in Sainsbury's acceleration in preparation for the awkward overtaking maneuver. By-standers reported Sainsbury 'veered out wildly' with complete disregard for oncoming foot traffic and no consideration for his blind spot. Pulling alongside Bordrach, Sainsbury felt it would only be courteous to offer a genial smile, which bystanders advised was 'awkward as shit' to watch. 'The time in which they were walking side by side was just cringe-worthy', noted Bob Evans, who was watching the scene play out from within his parked car. 'Sainsbury really seemed to be struggling for acceleration at the most critical time.'

Eyeing an approaching woman with a pram, witnesses struggled to recount the ensuing scenes, as Sainsbury was forced to decelerate and retreat back in behind Bordrach to avoid forcing the mother and baby onto the busy road. 'He just looked deflated', reported Bob Evans. 'Beaten and deflated'.

At press time, witnesses were amused to hear that Sainsbury had walked 2 blocks past his bus stop in his determination to pass Bordrach.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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