Written by Meredith McGhin

Thursday, 14 May 2015

image for Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton calls for ban on applause during State of the Union Address

Former United States Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is the latest politician to oppose the practice of clapping by attendees during the State of the Union Address. Her proposal has triggered quite a bit of backlash from House Representatives and the general public alike, leading some to question Clinton's patriotism.

In a statement released just this morning, the Democratic nominee defended her position.

"What most people don't know is that in the wake of last year's government shutdown, Congress implemented several cost-cutting measures. One of these was the installation of a more energy-efficient electrical system. Congress voted to replace the light switches in the House of Representatives with the popular "as seen on tv" device The Clapper. While it seemed like a good idea at the time, we are all starting to regret that decision now."

Mrs. Clinton went on to tell several anecdotes in which recent congressional hearings and speeches were interrupted by the constant flashing of the lights every time an enthusiastic Senator clapped, describing it as a "psychedelic strobe-light" effect.

"I suffer from light sensitivity," the former U.S. Secretary of State revealed. "The lights flashing on and off and on and off is too much for me to bear. It gives me migraines. I think we all know that I am definitely going to win the 2016 election. It is unreasonable to expect me to deliver my State of the Union Address under such extreme conditions!"
Vice President Joe Biden rushed to Clinton's defense this morning, publicly accusing the House Republicans of suggesting the use of The Clapper primarily to sabotage Clinton.
"Everyone on the hill knows about Mrs. Clinton's condition. She talks about it every time we invite her to join us for a night of clubbing."

While House Republicans deny these allegations, none were willing to speak on the record. Clinton's proposal is scheduled to be voted on next week.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Hillary Clinton

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