Americans Show Patriotism by Giving Money to Japanese Company

Funny story written by Brett Taylor

Monday, 29 December 2014

image for Americans Show Patriotism by Giving Money to Japanese Company
A viewer watches The Interview

The movie "The Interview" may only be getting a limited release after angering North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, but North American viewers are fighting back with their pocketbooks and wallets. At the three hundred theaters brave enough to show the comedy, attendance has been high. These hardy moviegoers say they won't allow a North Korean a-hole to stop them from seeing a crude American comedy."I consider it my patriotic duty to see the movie" was a typical comment. No of these viewers seem to mind that Sony is a Japanese studio, or that they pay very few taxes to the United States.

Another viewer told us, "It's every American's God-given right to blow his hard-earned cash on a really shitty comedy. I wasn't gonna see this movie before, but that Kim Jong-what's his name has made me so mas, I'm gonna see it five times! If it wasn't for him I woulda saved fifty dollars! But that's not the American way. The American way is to spend, spend, spend on crap, crap, crap. And crap these days is all foreign made. So I'm gonna fight North Korea by givng my money to the Japanese."

"We're making a ton of money off this," said a Sony spokesman. "This dumb movie wouldn't have been half as successful without Kim Jong-un and those hackers. We couldn't have done this better if it had all been a planned publicity stunt, which I assure you it isn't." The spokesman dabbed a sudden drop of sweat from his forehead before continuing, "All this hacking stuff has been great for us. I mean, the leaked e-mails proved that studio execs are racist, insulting jerks, but who's shocked by that? Even Al Sharpton doesn't give a shit, he's just milking this for publicity, he told me so."

Sony president Kazuo Hirai says he's be delighted with the results. "I plan to use the profits to further the cause of American freedom. Next year I will pay the U.S. only taxes on only thirteen per cent of revenue instead of my usual seventeen. And I plan to hire a new American janitor. I employ Americans, see? Also I plan to punish that bitch Angela Jolie for making the Japanese look bad in her new movie. In he future I will make movies that show Japanese POW camps from a positive light."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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