A low-life scum calls concerned citizens "low-life scum"

Funny story written by Samuel Vargo

Friday, 30 January 2015

image for A low-life scum calls concerned citizens "low-life scum"

WASHINGTON D.C. - When's the insanity going to stop? When is this batshit-crazy old man going to retire? Will his histrionics and induced bedlam never end?

The gray-headed, 78-year-old tyrant, the teabagging Republican Senior Senator from Arizona, John McCain, had the unmitigated gall of calling a small group of dissidents "lowlife scum" in front of members of the U.S. Senate Armed Services Committee, along with an audience, on Thursday, Jan. 29th. McCain put this small group of protesters into the national spotlight on the morning news Friday, Jan. 30th. The demonstrators - citizens practicing their First Amendment Rights - had no right to be called out as "low-life scum" by the likes of such a bottomfeeding low-life scum as John "I'm Always Miserable As Hell Dammit!!!" McCain.

And although these rowdies shouldn't have been allowed within inches of a very important and distinguished international diplomat from the Nixon and Reagan administrations, the U.S. Senate has so far been reluctant to take on any blame for this blatant intrusion - which turned out to be nothing more than an old man and a few tag-alongs being led out of the Senate hearing by police.

Things could've been a lot worse and the Senate has some security planning to do in the near future. But John McCain has a right to call anyone "low-life scum". This is the sleazy snake who stuffed an Apache land grab of 2,400 acres of sacred ceremonial lands - owned by the Apaches since antiquity - to be turned into an ecological monster of a copper mine - which will reportedly be owned by foreign interests. Yes, McCain, along with his buddy, U.S. Rep. Paul Gosar (R-Ariz.), who allegedly stuffed a similar proposal into the Defense bill in the U.S. House of Representatives, surreptitiously slipped this legislation into a 1,600-(and then some)-page Defense bill, which was rushed through the U.S. Senate in early December like an old man with his pants on fire.

All McCain's crying, whining, whimpering and complaining about Barack Obama. The old buzzard is just a bad loser. He doesn't want to come to the sad truth, even after all these years, that he and that other nutty-as-a-peanut-tray teabagger he picked as a running mate, Sarah "the great bull moose killer" Palin, lost the 2008 Presidential election to Democratic foes Obama and running mate Joe Biden.

The most vocal protester, who looks to be an elderly man, like many in the room, wasn't protesting McCain's sad performance as a federal leader. No, he was shouting at Dr. Henry Kissinger, who was a guest of the U.S. Senate on Jan. 29th for the topic of global security challenges. Kissinger was the Secretary of State under President Richard Nixon and later, under President Ronald Reagan, as well. But as the hearing began, several protesters approached the table where Kissinger, age 91. was seated. The protesters held signs and shouted: "Arrest Henry Kissinger for war crimes! Arrest Henry Kissinger for war crimes! Arrest Henry Kissinger for war crimes!"

A young woman brandished a set of handcuffs right in front of Dr. Kissinger's nose. These people are members of an action group called CODEPINK. McCain may have thought they were refugees from the Sunny Daze Dementia Center.

Of course, this was way over the top and shouldn't have occurred in the first place - if the U.S. Senate had one iota of common sense. Why are you discussing global security challenges when you have security challenges in your own Senate chambers? It's like a blind guy being led around by a blind seeing-eye dog. There's been a lot of talk in the last few days, in the mainstream media, about how these protesters could have gotten inches from Dr. Kissinger.

"I've been a member of this committee for many years and I have never seen anything as disgraceful and outrageous and despicable as the last demonstration that just took place," McCain said of the intrusion of the militant hecklers.

"You know, you're going to have to shut up or I'm going have you arrested," McCain snorted, summoning the Capitol Hill police to take the goofy group away from the Senate hearing room. The entire scene resembled an absurd skit from Saturday Night Live. It's ridiculous and bizarre.

Like the typical playground bully egged on by the applause of fellow bullies, with claps and cheers abounding, McCain added insult to injury by hissing: "Get out of here you low-life scum."

Was all this really necessary? Was all McCain's name-calling antics a good reflection of the U.S. Senate or are Americans now viewing them as "low-life scum"? Why not make a big joke out of this outrageous farce, like JFK may have done? Has the Senate voiced any fault in their own negligence of protecting its members and honored guests, like Kissinger, from such chaos that could have taken a very bad turn?

I have no qualms about the headline or calling McCain a low-life scum. Any political confidence man who breaks treaty rights, along with fellow Arizona legislation stuffer - Republican and U.S. Rep. Paul Gosar - who is just as guilty as McCain for this federal piracy of sovereign tribal lands; and Gosar, along with McCain, should be booted out of Congress for this land-theft collusion. And these con-men - McCain and Gosar - stomped all over a sovereign First Nation's empowerment to maintain their lands. McCain and Gosar - YOU'RE BOTH LOW-LIFE SCUM!!! The fact that you both worked together in sticking add-ons into Defense bills - which have nothing at all to do with copper mining or a land-swap deal - is criminal. Hell, it's nothing short of larceny!

Now some readers may be thinking: "Is this any way to talk about a war hero and a man who is part of a family of Navy Admirals?" Well, hippies, I'm not talking about John McCain the POW and the Navy brat right now. I'm talking about the guy who emailed supporters for generous gifts of money. All the time berating President Obama. "In the ten-sentence request for money, McCain borrowed heavily from the phrasebook used during his unsuccessful run at the White House," according to Huff Post Politics. - Hasn't McCain come up with any new arguments since 2008? Has dementia set in on poor John? And according to reports, the emails he sent maligning Obama and Congress offered no solutions, only complaints and criticism. Even the Foo Fighters were outraged that Mack-Daddy the Snake Charmer snatched their song "My Hero" and used it as his campaign theme song in 2008. You know nothing's copasetic with a politician when a rock band abhors such national exposure, which equates to a pounding ocean of free publicity.

And there are other political scandals, the most notorious being the Keating Five Scandal, in which McCain has been linked and who said that his involvement in the scandal "will probably be on my tombstone." And get this: A poll in South Carolina - sponsored by former President George W. Bush - mentioned McCain's role in the Keating Five scandal, too.

More evidence of McCain's miserable personality shines through in his hogging the TV cameras again (OH GOD WILL IT NEVER STOP?!) when he lashed out about the Feb. 1st Super Bowl just a few days before the big game. The NFL didn't put a "cloud" over the Super Bowl, you did, you gnarly-nosed ratfink! Why did you have to put your 2 & 1/2-cents in about the greatest event in the history of the world, Ebenezer McCain? Why couldn't you have waited until Feb. 2nd for your Super Bowl Sunday black mass sermon-in-the-landfill-dump concerning the NFL, you hideous Scrooge? For all we know, Johnny Boy, you might have had something to do with that very strange ending of the Patriots-Seahawks game. You're very capable of pulling off such a set of stunts!

The gray-haired rattlesnake can sick the men in black on me. Ditto for the Navy SEALS and even the Daughters of the American Revolution. I don't give a cluck. If you ask me, a newly elected township trustee in the most remote area of Nowheresville USA could do a much better job as a U.S. Senator than this overly glorified charlatan. He's a thief, a con-man, and his performance as a U.S. Senator has been abysmal. All his role has been for years now is that of the Republican Senators' snapping and snarling guard dog. His actions, reactions, and duties as a federal representative for the people of Arizona have spelled failure. And what's going to become of the copper mine? What will McCain and Gosar do if the water and land around the Apache reservation become so polluted that their land-grab deal results in a threat to human life and welfare? I don't think either of these guys care about the common people of Arizona. Their only alliances are to the wealthy and to special interests that they're involved with, yes indeed.

McCain, being the "I'm Always Right, Dammit!!!" type of lunatic he's always been, stood by his comments on Thursday night, Jan. 29th, when questioned by Fox News' Neil Cavuto.

When asked by Cavuto if he had anything to say about calling the protesters "low-life scum" McCain said, "No, because they are that."

"Anybody who would do that kind of behavior is guilty of it. It was terribly upsetting to me," McCain said.

And what's in the future, Mr. King of the Senate? Do you have plans to send Senate protesters to Operation Cable Splicer or Operation Garden Plot facilities if your Republican-led Congress gets a teabagging nutcase elected as President?

It's time to retire, you old goat. Play cards with the old men at the Sunny Daze Dementia Center. You're really good at hiding stuff under your sleeve. I'm sure you'll be 'King of the Card Games' there, you low-life scum.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more