McCain: GOP Spy Gadgets Helped Capture Benghazi Ringleader; Public Beheading Would Make Great Postcard Photo

Funny story written by Cool Papa Bell

Tuesday, 17 June 2014

BELOW THE BELTWAY, WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Republicans acted swiftly Tuesday after hearing of the capture of the suspected ringleader of the raid on the U.S. diplomatic post in Benghazi, proposing a measure that would prohibit President Obama from taking any credit for the action and order that the suspect be publicly beheaded with a smiling GOP congressional delegation standing behind him.

"That would be a great postcard photo to send to the in-laws," said Sen. John McCain, R-Arizona. "Better than that crap they offer at Disney."

He said congressional Republicans have provided a great deal of intelligence assistance in this matter, including calling for U.S. personnel involved in the operation to wear such spy gadgets as shoes with mirrors on them, iron hats and trench coats filled with anti-terrorist devices such as squirting ink pens.

"Mr. Obama got the frequent flyer miles bonus for bin-Laden, so this one belongs to us," said McCain.

Ahmed Abu Khatallah was taken into custody in a secret raid in Libya on Sunday. He is now being held in a secure location outside the country, a Pentagon spokesman confirmed.

McCain said he hopes for a Fourth of July beheading on the White House lawn, but the GOP doesn't want Obama or Democrats any where the event.

"They can go hold hands around a campfire and sing Kumbaya," said McCain. "But for real Americans, let's celebrate the old-fashioned way like our ancestors with bloodshed."

House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, said he has asked the organizers of the annual Nathan's hot dog eating contest to relocate it to D.C., as kind of a warm-up act.

"Sixty hot dogs going down Joey Chestnut's stomach followed by Ahmed Abu Khatallah's head coming off," he said. "I've already got seats reserved for the grandkids."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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