Turkey pardoned by President found dead of an apparent suicide

Funny story written by susan allen-rosario

Monday, 8 December 2014

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Mac the Turkey was depressed...

Washington, D.C. Mac, one of the Thanksgiving turkeys recently pardoned by President Obama was found dead today of a self-inflicted hatchet wound.

A spokesperson for the family of Mac the Turkey, say that he was very depressed after returning from the White House Friday.

"He found out that most of his friends had ended up on party platters. He had some kind of survivor's guilt."

In the last five years, this is the second turkey to have done himself in after being pardoned, researchers say.

"We think they just can't live with the fact that most of their friends and family have been eaten."

Last year, one of the pardoned turkeys became a loud advocate for "Tofurkey" a soy substitute for turkey.

U.S. president have been pardoning Thanksgiving turkeys for over 50 years. In 1963, then President Kennedy started the ceremony by announcing that he felt the turkey presented to the White House should "just keep on going."

That particular turkey was sent to a petting zoo, where on one sunny afternoon it bit off a young girl's finger. The following year a dog attacked one of the turkeys on the White House lawn dismembering it in front of a group of sightseers.

The "feel good" practice may have to be discontinued if the pardoned turkeys keep killing themselves.

"Bad things seem to follow these turkeys. We need to keep the turkey-killing behind closed doors where it belongs."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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