"I am thankful that I have a job even though I have to work today 'cause my boss told me too." said Chad Shafted in a slight break between customers at 11 at night at the Des Plaines Walmart in Illinois. "I am thankful even though I am not being paid a cent extra today."
On the other hand, the entire Walmart owners, the Walton siblings (and we don't mean the one from the TV series with Jon Boy), stated "We are thankful we have all these thousands of working bees laboring for us on Thanksgiving so that we can afford our luxus ski vacations in Switzerland today. We estimate it takes around 4,000 workers working unpaid overtime for us to be able to afford our week-long chalet in St. Moritz. Also for the fresh, flown in salmon for our Thanksgiving dinner and the 100 year old Rhine wine, our private jet that flew us from Arkansas, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera."
Steubenville Family Dollar employee Stan O. Prest says the he is thankful on Thanksgiving for the beat up van he has to go home to after work. "It's a thin metal roof over my head, but at least it's a roof. It sure beats when I just had a sleeping bag and a tarp." Stan mentions also that he is also thankful for the out dated sausage sticks and potato chips he can take home tonight that will be his meal for the evening.
Meanwhile, at the other end of the spectrum, CEO George Porker summed up his appreciation for his salary that is proportionally hundreds of times greater than that of the workers who labor in his factories. "I feel blessed that there are so many willing to work for so little because they don't have any choice due to the limited economic conditions imposed on them by our present form of government and our rampant capitalism. I would thank God for this, but really it is due to all the greedy bastards like me who have influenced our society for the last two hundred years. God bless you Carnegie, Rothschild's and Rockefeller's. Oh, let me not forget Bill Gates!"
"We forgot to mention that we siblings are thankful that we are among the top ten richest people in the country." said one of the Walton clan. "That is thanks to our dad Sam being a genius at getting people in third world countries to work long hours for pennies so we could sell cheap crap to poor people in America and get fantastically rich from it. Here's a shout out to our beloved deceased dad in whatever Hell he is in now. Thanks, Dad! Hope they have plenty of turkey down there!".
Writer's side note: While this article is satirical in nature, it should interest the reader to note that I did talk to employee's of both Walmart and Family Dollar who said that they were not getting paid extra for working on Thanksgiving. One woman said "At least they are giving us free pizza and Coke!", but that is just so they don't drop dead from exhaustion at the checkout.