Karl Rove, a wee bit bent after President Bush implied that Rove screwed up 'the whole dang'd election' challenged Bush to a Speed Read'n contest to prove once and for all who the REAL idiot in the Oval Office is.
Bush, accepting the challenge chose, as the book to be read, Brer Rabbit by Joel Chandler Harris. "Mainly", sources say, "because there's lots of pictures in it". Rove on the other hand, master strategist that he is chose the UN-ILLUSTRATED version of Tolstoy's 19th century blockbuster, War and Peace. After a brief Congressional debate a compromise was reached and both contestants will now read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, chapters 1 through 2.
President Bush, never having technically completed an entire book since Jack and the Beanstalk at age 7 is, aides say, pleased with the choice of reading material having seen all episodes in the Harry Potter series at least twice, making Bush a solid contender in Thursday's contest. Karl Rove on the other hand, being able to at least read WITHOUT moving his lips quickly became the favorite to win according to most Vegas bookmakers.
Evelyn Wood, inventor of speed reading reportedly has been hired to coach Bush in hopes of parlaying his natural tendency to move his finger along the words as he reads into his advantage. Wood told reporters,
"Moving your fingers wildly across the page as you read does indeed give you the ability to read and comprehend thousands of words per minute. The president has the moving the fingers wildly part down pat. Now if we can just get that comprehension up above zero ..."
Karl Rove, practicing for Thursday's contest is reportedly speed reading through the help wanted section of the Washington Post. President Bush, also training for the contest is reportedly stuck in the section of his practice book where Brer Rabbit hops into the briar patch and utters a few big words which the president is still attempting to Yahoo on the Google.
