D.C.- President Obama yesterday confirmed that a selection of cuddly toys will be deployed in Afghanistan from next week as the U.S. attempts to limit drone strikes which have claimed an unacceptably high level of civilian casualties. "We thought that drone strikes against the bad guys was the solution. Turns out we've killed a lot of innocent folks. So now we're saying to the Taliban you have a choice. You can stick with your crusade against freedom and democracy or if you trade in your weapons you can have the chance of winning these cuddly toys, some of which date from the 1980s in their original packaging."
President Obama was keen to stress that the Taliban should think carefully as this was their only chance at winning the selection of toys which has been lovingly curated by his wife Michelle. "It's a real exciting moment for folks we've been bombing indiscriminately up to now. What do you do? Do you stick with what you've been doing up to now or Wow! -you could trade all that up for the once in a lifetime chance to win these coveted vintage toys! I don't know what I'd do!"
Members of the Taliban who commit to the democratic process will compete for the toys in a live gameshow hosted by Ryan Seacrest scheduled for May in Kandahar, Afghanistan. Privately White House officials admit that American foreign policy is "all out of ideas."