Feinstein vs. Brennan combo boxing and mud wrestling at Madison Square Garden draws noisy crowd

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 25 March 2014

image for Feinstein vs. Brennan combo boxing and mud wrestling at Madison Square Garden draws noisy crowd
People rushed to The Garden with great enthusiasm for the contest

Senator Feinstein and CIA head John Brennan's squabble over spying on the senate oversight committee reached new heights of rancour at Madison Square Garden last night.

The New York Times reports these opponents created an "unsavory melee" and "very long faces" all over the American political establishment.

To review, Ms. Feinstein's committee had plunged into CIA files for "the Panetta Review" over CIA torture. Then Mr. Brennan's rejoined with spying on the oversight committee.

Ms. Feinstein and Mr. Brennan were "outraged" over these events, but what satisfaction?

A combo mud wrestling boxing event at The Garden was decided, but who would referee?

Mr. Obama stepped forward wearing his striped referee's uniform with whistle at his lips, very interested in the position.

Hillary Clinton was eager, at least for a high wire and trapeze act above the proceedings.

But these were disallowed and Supreme Court Justice Scalia became the obvious choice.

Mr. Scalia would be utterly neutral, since neither the CIA (nor the NSA) has been reported snooping on the Supreme Court (so far).

For seconds Ms. Feinstein had Senator Rand Paul, with Mr. James Clapper backing up Mr. Brennan.

The Garden was packed with very noisy fans. The Times reported noise at "unprecedented volume."

Suddenly Senator Paul broke away from Ms. Feinstein's corner to hold up a sign reading "Paul for President."

This brought a rebuke from Ms. Feinstein with a glove-slap on both of his cheeks. The crowd howled and the match was on.

Opponents jabbed and withdrew cautiously, circling. But suddenly they were down and sprawling in the mud.

A wild tangle of arms legs and torsos heaved and dripped, the deafening crowd noise everywhere.

Mr. Scalia leaned in, wagging his finger, but the opponents ignored him.

Suddenly, he too was down in the mud!

The ring was full of opponents, referee, seconds--all heaving at each other in the mud.

Then a new figure appeared at ringside, gaunt and judicial looking.

Was it Justice Roberts or Ginsburg come to the rescue?

No. A new paralyzed hush took the crowd until the face lifted--to reveal Secretary of State John Kerry.

"Now," his voice soared over the PA, "the United States is always eager to get to the bottom of things and find the truth."

But right then--nobody afterwards knew where it came from, although Representative Mike Rogers (R-MI) swears Russia was behind it--a mud ball splatted onto Mr. Kerry's right cheek and hung there.

He stood for many seconds like carved stone.

At last he said: "We are always of course on the side of international law and--"

A mud ball splatted onto his left cheek.

Mr. Kerry turned, stumbled--and fell down in the mud pit with the others.

Audience noise in The Garden reached the hitherto "unprecedented volume." People later reported going deaf for hours following.

The Times reporter hurried away to his office with a new idea for a headline:

Washington torture report still muddy as officials struggle to clarify.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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