Spoof reporter almost gets his n**ts in a twist and thrown off a f**king balcony

Written by joseph k winter

Wednesday, 29 January 2014

image for Spoof reporter almost gets his n**ts in a twist and thrown off a f**king balcony
Things looked desperate after the "scrotal twist" invitation . . .

According to spokespersons for Representative Michael Grimm (R-NY), he did not follow up threats to NY1 reporter Michael Scotto with similar threats to a Spoof reporter.

However, a representative for Spoof reporter Pepe Warezabar states the case differently.

Mr. Warezabar was in the vicinity of the first set of comments when Michael Scotto was threatened with being thrown off a "f**king balcony."

Warezabar then followed the congressman to a bar named Club Tosstitt, which occupies a second storey and has a balcony.

According to witnesses Mr. Grimm was standing at the bar talking about his recent encounter with the NY1 reporter when Warezabar approached.

Grimm then invited him out to the Club's balcony, which was empty. (Some customers however did observe from nearby windows.)

Mr. Warezabar states he had approached cordially with an "Isn't it a nice evening for a talk about campaign finances?" when Mr. Grimm gestured toward the balcony.

Lip readers at the windows observed a good deal of cross talk. Then Mr. Grimm leaned toward Mr. Warezabar.

Grimly, Mr. Grimm asked if this second reporter to harass him that evening was man enough to accept a tight and hard twist (to the right) in his scrotal regions.

This maneuver is a variation on his previous offer to "break [Mr. Scotto] in two."

Mr. Warezabar was shocked but not worried since he routinely wears a steel codpiece for protection. This defense mechanism is capable of issuing an electric shock to an attacker.

Apparently the voltage of the Electro-Cod, as it's known, can bring the strongest and most vicious of humans to their knees, tears rolling down their cheeks.

Then, however, came the alarming "I will throw you off this f**ing balcony" threat which Mr. Warezabar feared was a growing appetite with Mr. Grimm. Perhaps he was really getting in the mood for it.

At this point, in self-defense, he took hold of Grimm's collar and clung to it fiercely, whispering "Let's do it together!" while dragging the two of them toward the balcony rail.

Some dialogue ensued, according to the lip readers, on the general theme of "You don't have b**lls enough."

This was interrupted by Mr. Grimm's cell phone with incoming alerts from a certain FBI office and two or three females.

With only lip readers as witnesses and nobody doing video what really happened on the balcony is subject to controversy.

Mr. Grimm's spokesperson has denied everything, saying the meeting was meant for "a quiet and private talk," not another opportunity to pitch a human being off a balcony.

Mr. Warezabar is reported looking for additional protective gear.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more