Most Stolen Item in America?

Funny story written by Bureau

Wednesday, 18 December 2013

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You'll have to guess several times as this writer gave it my beat shot!

Believe it or not, it's hogs. I know you're thinking why so many hogs? Well, for one thing, an average sized hog can bring you $250 if you already have a customer ready to slice and dice so that no one can tell if it was stolen or not.

Because the stolen piggies were at market weight and the planning involved in stealing nearly 1,000 pigs would involve a lot of coordination and equipment, police believe the heist to be a coordinated event executed by sophisticated thieves in special made hog trucks.

"No hog heads on these crooks", according to Mason County Sheriff Herb Slaughter. "They're much like the city car thieves and can pick up and strip a hog in a very short time."

"Another reason the hogs are stolen is that they are often out in the open. Or their pens are out in the open. If you bring some slop along, they won't make a noise while they're eating."

Apparently one thing the thieves use is a hog crane. Crooks can attach the straps around the piggy and fly him over the top and into the bed of the hog truck.

Another reason we didn't mention was that Sheriff Slaughter once was the victim of a hog trial that had the clients attorney asking the sheriff about what color hair the missing hog had? You can imagine the fun he had about red-headed hogs since the one head they found was red, and if a witness hog left behind would squeal on who the crooks were, etc. People are still getting some good jokes on Sheriff Slaughter.

"We've gone to setting up cameras", stated Slaughter. "Stupid farmer wanted to know if any of his fine hogs were at my home, the Slaughter house. I feel more jokes coming on."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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