Old White Guy Magic Responsible for Obamacare Woes

Funny story written by G. Brookings

Wednesday, 27 November 2013

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ObamaCare Remedy for Republicans

As the President jetted to the West coast to refill the party's empty bags of cash before the 2014 election cycle, the White House unrolled a new and previously unheard explanation for the failure of the stumbling health care plan.

"It has nothing to do with my so-called misstatements, web site glitches, or the effects of the policy itself - cancelations of existing policies, premium and deductible increases, loss of access to physicians - any of that. The only real problem is that the other party - Republicans in congress -- is invested in failure."

"But Mr. President, a reporter objected, "Republicans said all along that your program would fail in precisely these ways. They say they tried to warn the country. Not a single Republican voted for it. How can they be at fault?"

"Step on a crack, break your mother's back," the President answered confidently. "They jinxed it. Put the hex on; gave it the evil eye. No one on the right has knocked on wood since 2010. They've been real careful about that," the President said, laughing bitterly, unhappy to be once again taking heat for Obamacare,especially after just coming from a satisfying preen-and-stroke session with a group of fully insured Hollywood celebrities.

Taking questions on this new line of defense back in Washington, Presidential Apologist and temporary head of the new Obama Department of Euphemism and Circumlocution, Jay Carney, said that he did not know if the Republicans were using magic and curses to destroy America or not, but he found it highly suspicious that the very problems Republicans predicted had come true. "Everyone knows Republicans are not that smart," he said. Carney concluded his remarks with a blunt warning to administration opponents that continued use of old white guy magic would be met by the even more potent and powerful black magic. "Valerie Jarrett is strangling a chicken as we speak."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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