GOP: Replace the ACA with the Affordable Death Act, or Trumpcare

Funny story written by Matt Birkenhauer

Wednesday, 13 November 2013

image for GOP: Replace the ACA with the Affordable Death Act, or Trumpcare
A Constituent Who Voted for Trumpcare

Republicans, stung by criticism that they have no viable or compassionate plan to help the 20 million Americans now covered under Obamacare, today proposed replacing the Affordable Care Act with what they are calling the Affordable Death Act, or Trumpcare.

Said James DeMean, of the right-leaning think tank Heritage Reaction, which opposes the Affordable Care Act: "We here at Heritage Reaction, of course, believe that the invisible hand of the market should decide whether or not Americans receive adequate health care, not some sprawling, burdensome government program. However, we Republicans are not heartless, which is why we are proposing the ADA, or Affordable Death Act, which my colleague, Sen. Allan DePrick, will explain in more detail."

Explained DePrick: "If you are among those 20 million Americans whom the invisible hand of the market gives the finger to, we're on your side! If you have a pre-existing condition, or are dying of a terminal illness, we think that your death should not be a financial burden to you or your family. That's why we're proposing the Affordable Death Act, or Trumpcare.

"For anyone who has to face the inevitable without the aid of health insurance, we will guarantee the dying person one free visit to the emergency room should the occasion arise, and one free pine box coffin once the dying person reaches the other side. In fact, if the grieving family kicks in another $100.00, we'll even varnish the pine box coffin and add flowers."

Amid charges from Tea Party activist Ned Schmooze of Freedom Jerks that this is still one more burdensome government program for the poor, DePrick explained that the program would not be a burden on America's taxpayers, but would instead be funded by a nationwide raffle of gift certificates for Hospice Centers all over the country.

Enthused DePrick: "Think what a great stocking stuffer those Hospice Center coupons will be for a family member this Christmas! Think of it as the gift that keeps on giving, at least up to a point."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more