Newt Gingrich not related to Amphibians, authorities confirm

Funny story written by Valde Sapiens

Monday, 23 September 2013

image for Newt Gingrich not related to Amphibians, authorities confirm

After extensive research the American Amphibious Society has concluded that Newt Gingrich is not a member of the family Salamandridae, of order Caudata, otherwise commonly known as the newt.

The groundbreaking research article was published in the recent issue of Nature, Vol 501, Number 7467.

"We have worked on this for the last eleven years," lead scientist Arthur Camilus said.

"Our team spent days in the wilderness, collecting newt discards, skin and feces and compared the same to the former speaker. We spent days reviewing old tapes of Mr. Gingrich's speeches, his movements, his limb gestures and anything else that may shed light into his habits.

"We reviewed pictures of his partners and interviewed people for tidbits of gossip in order to get insight into his copulation habits." The scientist added. "So far, apart from some behavioral similarities related to adaptability we find no other evidence to classify the former congressman into the Salamandridae family, or even the order Caudata.

A spokesperson for the former presidential contestant released a press statement saying "Mr. Gingrich is happy that this decade long issue has finally been put to rest. While he believes there is nothing wrong with being a newt, it is just a scientific fact that he isn't one."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more