New Jersey Boardwalk Fire Will Be Ruled "Accidental"

Written by Moose

Tuesday, 17 September 2013

image for New Jersey Boardwalk Fire Will Be Ruled "Accidental"

NEW YORK, NY - Investigators have determined that the fire last week that destroyed 68 businesses on the boardwalk in Seaside Park, N.J., was not set intentionally, according to the person who was seen running from the fire with an empty gas can.

At a news conference Tuesday at The Ritz-Carlton, the investigators will explain how they quickly "determined" that the fire was "accidental" and "not a case of arson", said the person, who spoke on the condition of anonymity.

The fire broke out Thursday on the boardwalk in Seaside Park. Whipped by winds that gusted to 3 miles per hour, the flames spread quickly up the boardwalk, following a pool of liquid.

Investigators immediately booked rooms at The Ritz-Carlton in New York City to conduct their "investigation". After meeting with many "consultants", wearing tight-fitting skirts, low-cut dresses, carrying large satchels, the "investigators" finished their "work" and are now prepared to reveal their "findings".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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