Florida OKs Hand Grenades for "Stand-Your-Ground" Defense

Written by BillBritton

Saturday, 20 July 2013

image for Florida OKs Hand Grenades for "Stand-Your-Ground" Defense
Bombs-4-U "Peacemaker" Grenade

Special to TPN - Florida Governor Rick Scott today signed into law an expansion of his state's controversial "Stand-Your-Ground" statute 776.013. Those with so-called "carry" permits for handguns will be allowed to conceal on their persons not more than two standard hand grenades for self-defense purposes.

"Our citizen crime-fighters will enjoy a heightened sense of personal security with this addition," said Scott. "It will be especially effective when used against gangs that enter white areas from the 'hood.' Not that I'm profiling African-Americans-after all, if it's a group of five, they could only be looking for a pick-up game of basketball."

Reaction from National Rifle Association CEO Wayne LaPierre was swift: "I see this as a natural progression from the flintlock firearms that our Founders used to overcome British tyranny. Today, we have the tyranny of left-wing bureaucrats trying to take our weapons away. I applaud Governor Scott for his wisdom and courage."

Grenades are available online from Bombs-4-U, Inc. (bombs4u.com). A two-pack sells for $19.99 plus shipping and handling. For a limited time, the company is doubling the offer to four grenades at the same price. Bombs-4-U president Dudley Petard would not confirm reports that George Zimmerman, recently found innocent of murdering Trayvon Martin in Florida, would be hired as a spokesperson: "Mr. Zimmerman is a hero to the weapons industry. His level head and good judgment is what we need more of on the streets and in the alleys of this great country."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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