Obama's Department of Education Proposes New System of Monoversities

Funny story written by G. Brookings

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

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Be Good Little Monkeys

Given the entrenched left wing tendency of most current institutions of higher learning and the concerns of the political left establishment that conservative views -- also known as extreme right wing views - are disturbing and harmful to the development of students, the Obama administration has authorized the founding of a new system of monoversities where only one, authorized version of the facts will be heard and competing points of view will be banned.

"This is what students want," Obama asserted. "It's a free country, or it was, the last time I checked," he said sarcastically to happy laughter from the assembled chorus of Marxist/Leninist academics who served as a backdrop for the announcement. Students who apply to these privately funded institutions will be required to pass a test of their political views to ensure harmony with the prevailing views of the student body. "The point is not to stifle speech," Obama explained, "but to reduce the stress of having to defend one's political views while also taking calculus or learning Chinese."

"What about the stress on students who hold conservative views?" a reporter asked in the question and answer period that followed the brief anoucement. "They can have their own monoversity," the President said, "if anyone can actually stand listening to Rush Limbaugh and Fox News for four years."

Conservatives immediately blasted the monoversity concept as incompatible with democracy and even with achieving adulthood. "What kind of adults will these students make, if they are never challenged or forced to examine their beliefs?" Rush Limbaugh replied. "These little Obamas will be nothing more than 21 year old incubator babies, raised in a sterile, insulated environment! Like Hawaii."

When asked by a reported to respond to Limbaugh, Obama Press Secretary Jay Carney stuck his index fingers in his ears and said, "That's exactly the kind of hateful, provocative and unnecessary speech that we no longer want to hear. The truth is that the monoversity will be a sanctuary, a place of peace, where Fox News and conservative talk radio cannot spread their lies and tall tales of scandal and incompetence in the white house."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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