Ruling Authority announces first congressional draft

Funny story written by The Ruling Authority

Tuesday, 21 May 2013

In its first pick in the new congressional draft, the Ruling Authority selected Arnold Sayers of New Ipswitch, Maine. The thirty-eight year old plumber was dragged kicking and screaming from his home to replace Senator Jeff Sessions of Alabama, also dragged away kicking and screaming.

The fact that Mr. Sayers did not want the job was cited as one proof of his qualifications to take the position. Also, the fact that he was accustomed to working five full days per week, rather than the two days per week of the typical serving senator was seen as a plus. (The fact that his business would "go to hell" without his participation was not taken into account.)

The new senator is to serve as 'Senator at Large', rather than being accountable to the newly disenfranchised voters of Alabama. To regain their vote, the citizenry of that state will have to undergo "special education" and then take a rationality test to qualify them to participate in any new election process.

Senator Sessions, complaining about the new extra-constitutional measures instituted by the R.A. was told to "stop quibbling, it's for your own good. . . Constitution, Smonstitution."

In a surprise move, the R.A. has decided to keep Michele Bachman in her position as U.S. Representative from Minnesota. The spokesperson from the R.A. said it was for her "entertainment value" to the public, to keep them paying attention to the doings of the Congress which will soon become boring when the other chosen parties are deselected and replaced. Also, it will be seen as a reminder of what can happen when democracy runs amok.

"The last straw," the spokesperson said, "was when Olympia Snowe decided she had had enough of the foolishness and gridlock that Congress has become. The resignation of the last moderate Republican in that institution necessitated our actions."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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