Written by Inchcock

Monday, 17 September 2012


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Monday 10th September
Topic: Ed Balls - Labour - Nick Clegg - Vince Cable
Headline "Labour would govern with the Lib Dems "today" if they dumped Nick Clegg for Vince Cable, Ed Balls has declared."
Source: The Sun
Extract: In a mischievous move, the shadow Chancellor heaped praise on the left-leaning Business Secretary to split the struggling Libs Dems.

He said Dr Cable "put his country first" and backed the Lib Dem's "mansion tax" plan.

Dr Cable - on TV with Mr Balls yesterday - has admitted secret talks with Labour "very occasionally".

But a source close to Dr Cable added: "Vince is no idiot. He knows exactly what Labour are playing at."

Comments: It's getting interesting innit?

Tuesday 11th September
Topic: Coalition - Conservatives - Liam Fox - David Davis
Headline "Liam Fox and David Davis back 'radical' Tory agenda"
Source: BBC News
Extract: Liam Fox and David Davis have backed a new group aiming to put "popular and radical" policies at the heart of the next Tory election manifesto.

The influential right wing MPs want to put pressure on David Cameron to set out a "clear" Tory message to voters.

Comments: 'A "clear" Tory message to voters?' Never seen that since Margaret Thatchers time in office!

Thursday 13th September
Topic: Crime - Traffic Warden attacked
Headline "Traffic warden karate-kicked in head in shocking street attack - video"
Source: The Mirror
Extract: Cops are hunting a thug who brutally karate-kicked a traffic warden in the head as he walked along a street in broad daylight.

Shocking CCTV footage shows the moment the warden was pole-axed without warning by the powerful kung-fu kick.

The victim, who has not been named, was ticketing a car when he was approached by three men earlier this month.

One of the shaven-headed thugs spat into the warden's note book as he wrote down the car's details.

After challenging the men, his attacker grabbed the warden's pen and poked him in the face with it.

He then took a step backwards and suddenly kung-fu kicked his unsuspecting victim - who collapsed to the ground.

The trio then ran off towards a nearby Tesco  - leaving the traffic warden lying seriously injured on the pavement.

Comments: Shocking!Poor chap.

Friday 14th September
Topic: Benefits - OAPs - Cutbacks
Headline "Liam Fox has called on the PM to stop paying out a fortune in handouts to rich OAPs"
Source: The Sun
Extract: Leading Tory Dr Fox says Britain can no longer afford to give away the winter fuel allowance, bus passes and TV licences to all pensioners no matter how wealthy.

He said: "The last benefits you should ever attack are those for pensioners so we should look elsewhere first. But in the longer term, this sort of spending is unsustainable. We need to have a look at everything."

His intervention is a boost to The Sun's Ditch Handouts to The Rich campaign, which calls for OAPs to be means-tested for the freebies.

Comments: Fair enough!

Saturday 15th September
Topic: Kate Middleton - Knockers
Headline "Another Royal Flasher"
Source: Kate Topless
Extract: Buckingham Palace is furious at French magazine Closer publishing photos of the Duchess of Cambridge sunbathing

Comments: I understand that Prince Philip is going to look into these photo's

Sunday 16th September
Topic: Prisons - Costs- Mobile phones
Headline "Britain's prisons are storing 41,000 mobile phones seized from inmates at a cost of £20,000 a year"
Source: BBC News
Extract: MP bids to allow prisoners' mobile phones to be sold off.

Tory MP Stuart Andrew has called for the phones, often taken in cell raids, to be destroyed or sold to raise money for victims charities.

The phones can currently be returned to a prisoner once they have finished their sentence.

Mr Andrew wants a new law to stop this "perverse and outrageous" situation.

Mobile phones are banned in prison but are often smuggled in to inmates. There have been cases of prisoners using them to contact victims' families, update their social media pages and even arrange a gangland murder.

Comments: About time too! I long for comity!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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