After a complaint from the independent Office for Budget Responsibility yesterday, the Coalition has sought to disprove that David Cameron said that black was white and misquoted the OBR.
A Coalition spokesman today made it 'absolutely clear' that Mr Cameron has not been telling any lies, fibs or porkies, but merely adhering to a new Coalition lexicon to standardise political statements.
This organ can now reveal the Coalition Lexicon to speed comprehension of the electorate:
THE MESS WE INHERITED - explanation for something we don't intend to fix
WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER - this is going to hurt you more than it is going to hurt us
DIFFICULT DECISION - we had no problems making this, but we know you won't like it
TRICKLE DOWN - The unpleasant phenomenon experienced by the public after a 'difficult decision'
BIG SOCIETY - LaLa Land
LET ME BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR ON THIS - I will now blether on until you give up the will to seek clarity
INQUIRY - set up to investigate something you didn't like, but if the government doesn't like the conclusion reached, we reserve the right to protect the public from hard facts
SPECIAL ADVISOR - Chum helping the government with special conflicts of interest
RETIREMENT PLAN - The plan to help people to work until the very end, when they may finally afford their funerals
FAIR - Iain Duncan Smith's word to describe taking money off poor people, akin to Gordon Brown calling that old lady from Rochdale a 'bigot'
HARD-WORKING FAMILIES - the term we use for the gullible because it sounds worthy
AS I'VE ALWAYS SAID - I'm about to say something palliative that I've never said before
LOOK - Shut up...
