WASHINGTON, DC - U.S. Vice-president Joe Biden has been living in the shadows of President Barack Obama long enough. That's why he made a New Years' resolution to find his own way into the limelight, when he promised members of his international fan club that 2013 would go down in history as 'The Year of the Joe.'
Realizing that he was eclipsed by even Michele Obama's new 'do' at this year's Inauguration Ball, he decided to do one better: at last night's State Department dinner, Mr. Biden premiered his own set of bangs.
"This is a big f**king deal," he said from the podium when he addressed the crowd. "Big Joe is back. Big Joe has always had a full head of hair. Big Joe now has bangs. Watch out, world. Watch out."
Biden's participation in the State Department dinner was requested by former Secretary of State Hilary Clinton when it was decided that this year's event would see the first-ever Benghazi Awards. The Benghazi Awards were designed to recognized excellence in achieved cover-ups by former or current members of the State Department, and who better to acknowledge such excellence at convincing the world that you're something that you're not than Joe Biden?
"I'm supposed to be here to give out these golden Barbie Dolls, but, instead, I'm just gonna talk about my f**king hair," Biden told the crowd. "I mean, come on, take a look at this Godd*m head of hair, people! Doesn't it make you wanna lay down on the floor and rut yourself right now?"
Eventually, Biden abandoned the stage for other presenters, but not without demanding he be acknowledged for his new bangs.