New iPhone App Makes Congress More Responsive

Funny story written by Michael Balton

Monday, 7 January 2013

image for New iPhone App Makes Congress More Responsive
More volts for better votes?

Washington DC - Americans may soon be using their smart phones to force the Federal government to be more sensitive to their needs and opinions.

The new, higher level of democracy comes thanks to a recently introduced iPhone app, called Voter Act, which connects citizens directly with their representatives in Congress - intimately and continuously.

Available as free download wherever "I" products are sold, the application alerts the owner of an activated phone whenever a vote is about to take place in the House or the Senate.

Users are given an opportunity to respond "yes or no" on the issue, creating a continuously updating tally which is automatically sent to the iPhone of the appropriate senator or representative.

The legislator's version of Voter Act comes complete with an electrical discharge device that is attached to a sensitive part of the lawmaker's anatomy. The package delivers a highly painful but nonlethal jolt should the representative or senator disregard his constituents' choices.

In addition to making sure that majority rules, Voter Act will also encourage lawmakers to sharpen their scheduling skills. It discharges a close-to-lethal shock should the elected representative miss a vote.

"Let's do the math together," said Irving P. Justo, the inventor of Voter Act. "There is no 'I' in Congress, but there are two in idiot,". "If I had a dollar for every time the idiots screwed up, I'd have the 16 trillion we need to pay off our national debt."

Almost no lawmaker in Washington would comment on the Voter Act app. Those who did would only respond off the record.

"My physician told me that I'm allergic to electricity," one said.

"If this has anything to do with electric vehicles, I'm all for it," another noted.

"Does it come with a teapot?" said a third. "I'm not spending money on anything unless it's tea party related."

Justo, who is president of the Acme Cattle Prod Company, said he would donate all the necessary hardware and software to get Voter Act up and running nationwide.

"Ever check out the expression on a steer after you zapped it with two hundred and forty volts?" Justo asked. "It will be worth millions to see that look on John Boehner's face."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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