General Petraeus Blames Mitt Romney For PaulaGate

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

image for General Petraeus Blames Mitt Romney For PaulaGate
A photo of The General David Petraeus Surface-To-Air Missile which sits in the generals backyard. (Photo by V.P. Joe Biden).

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The former director of the CIA, General David Petraeus, reportedly told a close, unnamed friend that he never realized that he would one day join the ranks of individuals such as Senator John Edwards, Governor Eliot Spitzer, and Governor Mark Sanford, all who had extra-marital affairs.

The 60-year-old general recently told Tilapia Frisbee with The Right Coast Illustrated Revue that he has hired noted California attorney Ginger Allred to defend him.

He stated that Ms. Allred has gone over all of the details of the scandal and she feels that he will be exonerated and could end up being placed in a position to sue his accusers.

Meanwhile the generals mistress Paula Broadwell, 40, has said that she was simply seduced by the charm of the high ranking military officer and CIA director.

Mrs. Broadwell has said that she was just smitten with his shiny uniform with the dozens and dozens of military decorations, U.S. badges, patches, tabs, campaign medals, service ribbons, and two smiley faces given to him my the nation's First Mama, Michelle Obama.

General Petraeus has informed Ms. Allred that he is placing the blame for PaulaGate on the GOP's 2012 presidential losing candidate Mitt "The Flip-Flopper" Romney.

Miss Frisbee asked him how he feels he can do that. The general took a sip of his Hercules VII Protein Power Drink and stated that he had gone through a lot of stress pouring through hundreds and hundreds of political documents 24/7, in an attempt to collect any unethical matters which pertained directly to Mitt Romney.

The general stated that one interesting piece of information that he found was that back during the Vietnam War, "Hair Spray" Romney left the country and went to France in order to keep from having to go serve in Vietnam.

General Petraeus also found out that Romney has outsourced lots of his business dealings to foreign countries including Costa Rica, Laos, Iceland, and Dutch West Wakaboonka.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: General David Petraeus has turned down offers to appear on Piers Morgan Tonight, The View, and Live With Kelly and Michael. He has hinted that he is considering appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live.]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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