X Files honeytrap caught General Petraeus

Funny story written by queen mudder

Saturday, 10 November 2012

image for X Files honeytrap caught General Petraeus
Borg Queen wanted the CIA X Files' fabled NOC List of Anticaking Agents

Langley, Va - "Hell hath no fury as a Borg Queen scorned!" is how one intelligence analyst put it as news of David Petraeus' sudden departure broke.

Speaking to reporters this morning Official Shrink to the CIA Professor Einstein Flintstone described how an alien contraption for draining honeycombs of their precious payload without disturbing the hive may have been in the frame of a sting op that triggered the resignation of the CIA boss.

"Extramarital affairs with extraterrestrials? Hmmm, sounds a classic no brainer," the psychiatrist commented as news of Petraeus' departure went viral.

Former army colleagues have also mentioned that the ex-Four-star unleaded* general's brief foray into running the US's premier intelligence nerve center 'probably' ended when the Borg Queen's elixir of immorality drained his highly decorated loins.

"She wanted to steal the CIA's fabled X Files NOC List," Flintstone added, "before trying to assimilate the general into her toy boy pool."

Some X Files division operatives reckon a shadowy smoke 'n' mirrors operation nailed the former military commander with a high tech equivalent of a bee smoker normally used to pacify hive occupants.

"This all started with a probe into Uranium Yellowcake smuggling during the Iraq War," one ex-agent who knew Valerie Plame said this afternoon, "and ended up with the notorious Plamegate scandal."

"X Files operatives were charged with trying to protect anticaking agents on the CIA NOC List when Petraeus was Dubya's gofer in Iraq."

Plame's outing as a CIA agent during the Yellowcake business effectively put paid to her covert career and demolished Scooter Libby's...

Gulf war veteran General Colon Bowell is 69.

* Unleaded Four-Star was a popular British fuel distilled from Baghdad Sweet Light Crude.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more