BILLINGSGATE POST - Being diagnosed as having chicken lips could possibly spell disaster for the incumbent president. As Foghorn Leghorn, who also has chicken lips, so eloquently stated to his friends, Barnyard Dawg and Henery the baby chicken hawk, "Form follows physiognomy, my old friends."
Dr. Hannibal Lector, Jr., whose late father was the infamous cannibalistic psychiatrist, speaking before members of the Board of Taxidermy at their international convention in Bora Bora last week, described the procedure he recommends to enhance Barack Obama's chicken lips. Noting that the latest trend in Hollywood was the "slack-jawed" look, which makes the subject appear neuroleptic, combined with the puckered "chicken lip" look, that movie stars and models seek to make their seductive suckers more sexually attractive to potential suckees, Lector told fellow board members how he taxidermally altered Senator John Kerry so that the senator could become the man he really loved before the election in 2004.
Because there will be some expected skepticism from liberals who also sport the same look, Dr. Billingsgate brought in noted forensic phrenologist, Dr. Hunnington Foxbury of Harvard University, to review virtual skull scans of Obama taken in 2008 and again in 2012. In his revealing deposition Dr. Foxbury made this observation:
"When gentlemen aflicted with chicken lips lie to the public, such as President Obama and Senator Kerry, there is usually a cathartic attempt to cleanse oneself afterwards. If you watch President Obama carefully when he reads from his TelePromptor, you will note him licking his chicken lips with his lizard like tongue when he finishes a deliberate prevarication. It is my professional opinion that he cannot help himself from doing this."
"I agree with my colleague, Foghorn Cleghorn. Form follows physiognomy."