GOP Convention Run For New Malarkey "Not Fact-Checkers"

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Friday, 31 August 2012

image for GOP Convention Run For New Malarkey "Not Fact-Checkers"
"I'm here even though I'm not here."

In keeping with high standards of intellectual guidance and decent politics for a global party, GOP representatives have wound up their convention with leaps and bounds upward in a new official language, quickly becoming known as New Malarkey And Assorted PC (Policy Conundrums).

According to a spokesperson for Romney-Ryan, this renovated GOP direction in new speak replaces the old "W" politics.

However, still on the front line and in tradition is GOP intention to lead the globe, since America is its older and wiser parent. To summarize Condoleeza Rice, the rest of the planet must rise up and save itself, with America kindly offering assistance, as seen previously under W's administration.

True, she didn't actually mention George W by name, but the convention went respectfully silent and reverent over this omission, some claiming they could see his image in her eyes as she spoke from the podium. Tears gleamed on the faces of several nearby.

She continued we have the example of bringing democracy to Iraq, the reason for invading that country, which of course is also the real reason we are in Afghanistan and have an eye on Iran. Those places were not, and are not, of any interest to corporations such as Unocal, Chevron, Exxon-Mobil, BP, and Shell.

No, she indicated further. We like to help people get up by their own bootstraps toward America's level whenever possible. John McCain added America should get quickly into Syria, and then Iran, to bring democracy and liberty to those places also, since that is America's main mission in currently sending its military forces into 120 countries (and counting!) on the planet.

Romney and Ryan glowed behind these sentiments, with tremendous enthusiasm and energy to build this vision of American Global Peace further and faster. Leading the way in their program are more war, tax cuts for the rich, and reducing expensive programs, such as social security and medicare.

Above all, both candidates insisted, meticulous honesty is needed with the American people and a brave effort to take on the challenges. In an aside, Mr. Ryan pointed out that the GOP's Official New Malarkey Speak has a place in encouraging our great populace to make the best decisions for the future. By restoring the deep past.

In fact, at key points during these happy RNC days, as one broadcaster put it, "There wasn't a dry eye in the house." In related news, kleenex and paper napkin industries reported a sharp rise in product sales both at the convention and in the studios of CNN and FOX news.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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