GOP to Choose Slate of Half-Wit Politicians

Funny story written by Evan Essence

Wednesday, 10 May 2006

image for GOP to Choose Slate of Half-Wit Politicians

Washington, D.C.
Commentators throughout the civilized world continue to express astonishment at America's lesson in civics: in the United States, even the Village Idiot can be elected president. Now, the GOP has decided to heed the lessons learned from George Bush's successful re-election. Al Gore, and John Kerry appeared too aloof and intellectually superior to the American people. And although the public doesn't agree with George Bush's policies, or the direction he is taking the country, they still find him as lovable as a slobbering, drooling puppy dog.

A recently leaked memo, from Karl Rove to the Republican National Committee, has urged them to "search the bars, cardrooms, and brothels, to find the dumbest buffoons to ever spout Republican ideology, and promote them as candidates for Congress in November."

Appealing to the lowest common denominator of the American people....a nation of citizens that spend an average of 28 hours/week watching stooping to their comatose collective intellect, may prove to be an effective strategy for the GOP.

"Lets face it. The intelligence of the American people has been vastly over-rated," says Harvard political science professor, Barney Hampton. "Only about half of Americans bother to vote, preferring to leave the public coffers in the hands of corporate lobbyists, and others representing narrow vested interests. 41% of Americans still believe that there was a strong link between Saddam and Al Queda, and 48% still think that Saddam was a serious threat to US security."

"And 15 million Americans, who otherwise can't utter an opinion of their own, listen to Rush Limbaugh's radio show, every week, and come away muttering ideological inanities, hurling biting invectives, and mouthing insipid distortions of the facts. These are many of the same folks who think Fox News gives 'Fair and Balanced Reporting'," Hampton said.

"Running a slate of idiots for public office, goes hand-in-hand with an effort to ‘dumb down America' " he added. " When you and you friends are busy raiding the social security trust fund, that people have spent their lives saving…and spending their money, as pork barrel gifts, to build a surplus of unnecessary weapons , like aircraft carriers, jet fighters, and nuclear bombs…that can't possibly be used to fight terrorists...who lurk in abandoned buidings and crowded subway stations…you don't want people thinking too much."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more