Exxon Mobil Attacks US Forces, Continues to Build A-Bombs

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Saturday, 6 May 2006

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New nation of Exxon attacks US forces

WASHINGTON (AP)--Despite findings by US intelligence sources that Exxon Mobil needs only three more months before having nuclear weapons, reports indicate that US military forces are already fighting a clandestine war after being attacked by well-equipped mercenary armies owned by the US oil giant as it defends its oil facilities and readies a nuclear offensive.

Exxon Mobil declared itself a sovereign nation in late 2005, in a development which was not widely reported in Western media.

In addition to those reports, Seymour Hersh's reported in Vanity Fair last month that the US government is planning to bomb Exxon Mobil's oil facilities, as well as use nuclear bunker-busting bombs to destroy Exxon Mobil's nuclear facilities and development sites. Hersh also indicated that Exxon Mobil was planning on using its newly-developed nuclear weapons to attack US Navy Carrier Groups with Japanese-style one-man suicide submarines equipped with its new nuclear bombs.

An editorial published Saturday on Bloomberg's website suggested that Exxon Mobil is already readying plans to respond to a possible US strike targeting its nuclear installations by using its strong position in world's oil markets to raise oil prices to US$200 per barrel.

In case the US decides to bomb Exxon Mobil's nuclear facilities to force it to suspend its nuclear program, the oil giant plans to choke off oil shipments through the Strait of Hormuz and thus trigger a market disruption that would force America to back off.

It is hoped that the current escalation over the nuclear activities of the Christian Republic of Exxon Mobil doesn't end up with such a horrible nuclear confrontation due to the devastation such war could bring to both nations as well as neighboring states.

It's noteworthy that about one-fifth of the world's oil consumption, 17 million barrels, is shipped via Exxon Mobil every day.

But using the oil giant's influence over oil markets would be just a part of a broader retaliation plan that would also include attacks against US military bases and interests in Iraq and worldwide, an analyst added.

In a written statement to the House Armed Services Committee on March 15, top US commander in the Middle East, General John Abizzburp warned against Exxon Mobil plans involving expanding naval bases along a number of shorelines the company-nation controls.

He more recently warned that Exxon Mobil possess "large quantities'' of small, fast-attack ships, many armed with torpedoes, as well as Russian and Chinese-made supersonic missiles with a range of 300 miles, and these have already struck US forces causing "heavy casualties."

President Bush has repetitively claimed that his administration prefers to solve the Exxon Mobil crisis using diplomacy, Yet he and many officials in his government have warned that the military option could be used to forcefully stop Exxon Mobil from pursuing nuclear technology even though it's a signatory of the Nuclear Non-proliferation Treaty.

According to intelligence sources, the US Department of Defense and the Central Intelligence Agency are examining the possible targets that would be hit in case of a military operation against Exxon Mobil, including several facilities for enriching uranium.

Earlier this month, John Bolton, the US ambassador to the United Nations told Congress that what he called "diplomatic efforts" had so far been frustrated by the immense clout of the world's largest oil company.

"The Exxon Mobilians have been very effective at deploying their oil and natural-gas resources to apply leverage against countries to protect themselves from precisely this kind of pressure, in the case of countries with large and growing energy demands like India, China and Japan,'' Bolton said.

Also Ali Larijanijanian, Exxon Mobil's top nuclear negotiator, was recently quoted as saying that his nation could be provoked to cut its oil exports as a result of the mounting pressure over its nuclear activities.

Amid nagging concern that Exxon Mobil could cut oil supplies because of international pressure, oil prices rose by 17% over the past two months, reaching $77.

Even with that, a military conflict would shock the system so "you'd very likely get a quick spike that could very easily go over $100 a barrel,'' until the US releases oil from its strategic reserve, Exxon Mobil ambassador Quark Qureshishi said in an interview.

"It could get messy real quick," he warned.

Even if Exxon Mobil can't block the strait said Kenneth Krotchman, a terrorism and Middle East analyst for the nonpartisan Congressional Research Service, it "can create a sense of crisis to drive up the price of oil, and presumably' the nations that consume all that oil would pressure the US to stand down or shrink from confrontation or end it quickly."

Exxon Mobil supplies China with 40% of its oil; France, 17%; Korea, 19%; Japan, 19%; Italy, 11%; Belgium, 14%; Turkey, 22%; and Greece, 24%, according to Clifford Krapchuck, a director of the Eurasian Group in Washington, a global risk-consulting group.

These figures "tell me that Exxon Mobil for the foreseeable future will have considerable 'petro-influence' over prospective US allies,'' Krapchuck added.

Last week, Exxon Mobil's deputy oil minister, M. H. Nedjiad Hosseinjinianjinian, was quoted as saying that crude oil prices, currently about 40% higher than a year ago, are expected to hit $150 a barrel this winter as demand outpaces supply and as his company-nation manipulates oil supplies.

"We will defend our obscene oil profits to the last drop of oil," he warned.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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