Written by Evan Essence

Monday, 24 April 2006

image for New Study: Global Warming Caused by Hot Air from Washington, D.C.

Amid dire warnings by experts, that climate change is resulting in the deaths of penguins and polar bears, George Bush asserted, Wednesday, that Global Warming is not all bad. The imminent melting of polar regions, and Greenland's Ice sheet will make oil exploration easier. He added, that adhering to the Kyoto Protocol would be bad for the profit margins of the oil industry, and therefore the price of luxury homes, luxury yachts, fine silk, and fine champaign.

In recent years, the world's most prestigious scientific journals have documented the massive melting of glaciers, rising sea levels, record heat waves, and tornadoes and hurricanes...in record numbers, and with record intensities. A secret pentagon study, released in 2004, warned that Global Warming, is the most dangerous problem facing the world, and, by 2020, will result in famine, massive immigration and global warfare. Experts from Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Princeton, NASA, the National Center for Atmospheric Research, and scientists throughout the world, have concurred that Global Warming…caused, primarily, by the burning of fossil fuels…is a reality.

The Bush administration has, recently, gone so far as to acknowledge that Global Warming is a reality, and is "contributed to by human activity", yet, it has stopped short of specifying what that activity is. However, a recent study released this week, by an international panel of climate experts, has come up with new findings. The primary cause of Global Warming has been found to result from "Hot air, gaseous emissions and obfuscating fog, rising from Washington, DC."

George Bush, and the Republican Congress, have refused to ratify the Kyoto Protocol (the international effort to halt global warming), stating that underdeveloped nations should assume a greater share of the burden for reducing CO2 emmisions.

According to studies, 75% of global CO2 emmisions are caused by developed countries, and US is responsible for 67% of the emissions. It makes sense, the Republican lawmakers, have argued, that underdeveloped countries...where most everybody is too poor to own an automobile...should make the biggest effort to reduce CO2 emmisions. After all, they have the most people living there!

A recently leaked memo, from Karl Rove to the RNC, has noted that Global Warming, could have a positive effect. Whereas sea levels are expected to rise by 21 feet, in the next 50 years, Rove pointed out that this is not all bad. It would mostly wipe out citizens living in so-called "Blue states" (California, Washington, and Oregon, and New England), which voted Democratic in the last election....thereby helping the GOP to realize their dream of maintaining a permanant Republican majority in Congress.

When contacted by a Spoof reporter last week, George Bush was unavailable for comment, because he was busy trying to read, and make out the meaning of Chapter 2 of his favorite book, "My Pet Goat".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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