Abramoff grasses up CIA boss Porter Goss

Funny story written by queen mudder

Saturday, 6 May 2006


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Dead loss Porter Goss

Washington DC, Saturday 6 May 2006 - (Associated Mess): 'C.I.A. IN FREEFALL!' scream the national headlines in the United States as yet another Bush Administration appointee resigns to "spend more time with my lawyers....er, family" this weekend.

The move comes hot on the heels of yet another plea bargain struck by Justice Department prosecutors with jailed Washington lobbyist Jack Abramoff, who has agreed to grass up all his former Skull 'N' Bones frat mates in return for removal of FBI red tape surrounding the exclusive movie rights to his forthcoming Hollywood blockbuster memoir 'Diaries of a DC Rent Boy'.

The news was greeted with a sigh of relief by the FBI whose recent investigations into the Watergate Hotel sex scandals revealed that Goss's protegees at the CIA had been bankrolled for the last 30 years by the British-based Hellfire Club, a Skull 'N' Bones-affiliated organisation run by the Riggs Bank 's offshore banking unit from a lock-up in the backstreets of Havana, Cuba.

The President's newly appointed Head of Parody Tony 'The Blizzard' Snow was quick to dismiss any speculation surrounding the abrupt Goss announcement, and could not be drawn by the White House press corpse into any speculation regarding the CIA boss's UK business interests - which include a partnership in the controversial garden landscaping firm Gustafson-Porter Goss, creators of the Diana Princesss of Wales Memorial Fountain fiasco in Central London's Hype Park.

Meanwhile, lawyers acting for Abramoff have insisted that Goss is a 'relatively minor player sucking off on the tentacles of a monster responsible for much classified US counter-intelligence such as the famous Zaprudder footage and other parody supplied to the Warren Commission'.

This weekend Bonesmen young and old are huddled in secret conclave beneath the corridors of power in Washington DC wondering where the axe will next fall.

Bookies are offering 6/4 FAV on Dick Cheney, 5/2 on former Secretary of State General Colon Bowel and 3/1 on ex-US Ambassador to the Court of St James's William Stamps Farish III, official blind trust bagman to both Presidents George Bush Senior and Junior and sometime racehorse owner.

Farish's abrupt and mysterious disappearance from his London posting two years ago is still the subject of an official MI5 investigation into the November 2003 UK Official State Visit by President Bush, after which much of the Buckingham Palace silver went missing along with semen samples from the Queen's thoroughbred racehorse stables at the Royal Stud in Norfolk.

Persistent UK rumours have speculated that the samples under investigation were not equine in nature and that a number of the thoroughbreds had been found to have been 'biologically tampered with' after Mr Bush had requested some personal quality time alone with them at the tail-end of his visit....

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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