Sarah Palin's Former Secret Service Agent Explains Why He Was 'Checking Her Out'

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 22 April 2012

image for Sarah Palin's Former Secret Service Agent Explains Why He Was 'Checking Her Out'
Sarah "Dog Sled" Palin seems to keep renewing her 15 minutes of fame. (Photo by Rev. Al Sharpton).

WASHINGTON, D.C. - It appears that the "Loose Moose" AKA Sarah Palin, is back and this time she is wishing and hoping that, unlike the last time, someone pays attention to her.

But as comedian Zydeco Dupree recently said at The Giggle Giggle Comedy Club in New Orleans, "That Tina Fey lookalike 'Caribou Hormone' needs to go back to The Iceberg State and stay there."

Dupree added that "Snow Plow" Palin's 15 minutes ended back in 2008, and why she insists on hanging around somewhere where she is not wanted is beyond belief.

Palin recently made the sports section of a few U.S. newspapers when she responded to a secret service agent's claim that when he was working her security detail during the 2008 GOP presidential campaign that he spent lots of time checking her out.

The former Alaskan governor, who quit the job she was elected to do by the voters of Alaska, stated that reading about the agent's remarks gave her goose bumps on parts of her body that she did not want to mention.

According to The Political Salad Bar's Sinclair Petaluma the secret service agent has been identified as David "Eagle Eye" Chaney.

Chaney spoke with Petaluma at Washington, D.C.'s Enchanted Enchilada Restaurant. He stated that Palin was one of the most wishy washy politicians that he has ever known.

He noted that all of the agents used to refer to her as the political Gary Busey because she had the gift of being able to talk in circles and end up not really saying a damn thing.

Chaney pointed out that "Reindeer Breath" as he referred to her made it abundantly clear to him that if a reporter was to ask her a question regarding geography that he was to say, "Ah sorry guys, that's all the time we have for questions, Mrs. Palin has to catch a plane for (blank)."

The former secret service agent was asked to explain Palin's remark that he was checking her out. He smiled as he shook his head and stated that "Snowflake" has conveniently forgotten about the meeting they had when he first became her personal bodyguard.

He said that during that meeting, which was held in the back of her bus, she picked the secret service code name of "Moose Mama." She also instructed him that he was to do three things.

The first thing was that he was supposed to keep her little daughter Piper away from candy since it caused her to become extremely hyper and she was prone to making sarcastic remarks about John and Cindy McCain along with their pleasantly plump daughter Meghan.

Secondly, he was to make sure that none of the campaign trail press members asked her any questions about her husband Todd's personal salmon fishing guide, Nanicka Zapalicka.

And thirdly, right before she took the stage to make a speech at the podium he was supposed to check her out and make sure that she did not have any VPL (visible panty lines).

Chaney said that, that was where the phrase checking her out came from.

When asked by Mr. Petaluma if Palin ever had any VPL, Chaney started laughing and replied, "Just about every damn time."

In a related story. Zydeco Dupree is working on a book about Sarah Palin. He disclosed that the title is If Brains Were Cotton, Sarah "Snowflake" Palin Would Not Have Enough To Make A Tampon For A Flea.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more