CIA splinters into separate organisations

Funny story written by IainB

Thursday, 8 March 2012


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The CIA is splintering

The CIA has seen disagreements on how to run the agency cause rifts and splits within the organisation itself causing splinter groups to emerge.

As well as the legitimate arm of the CIA, still called the CIA, there is now a more militant wing called the Real CIA. The Real CIA has announced that the CIA has become too political and has lost sight of the aims of the CIA, which is to put a McDonald's in every Country. The Real CIA have split themselves off the main CIA to circumvent what they perceived as the increased bureaucracy that has ensnared the invasion of other countries, and the support of rebel groups around the world in order to destabilise non-McDonald's friendly regimes.

"The Real CIA is not the real CIA," said CIA Head of Terrorism, John Smith (yes, really). "They are a group of rebels. We have nothing to do with them."

"The real CIA is not the Real CIA," said Real CIA Head of Terrorism, John Smith (no relation). "They are a group of pussies who don't know what needs to be done and don't have the bottle."

The Real CIA has already splintered into two groups, the new group calling themselves the Provisional CIA, who promote action upon American soil, something neither the CIA nor the Real CIA would ever countenance. The Real CIA have disowned the splinter fraction.

"The Provisional CIA are nothing to do with the Real CIA," said Smith. "They are a bunch of rebels and we have nothing to do with them."

"The Real CIA and the real CIA are nothing to do with the Provisional CIA," said John Smith (a distant cousin). "Both organisations cannot see that America itself is rotten to the core, and needs a good spring clean."

News is emerging that the Provisional CIA has further splintered, creating the Continuity CIA. Currently, however, this only has one member, and he was ousted from the Provisional CIA due to a body-odour problem and not because of his politics.

A McDonald's spokesman has stated that they are not sponsoring the Real CIA, Continuity CIA or the Provisional CIA. They would not be drawn on their support for the CIA, however.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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