Cardinal Risk Sanatorium of Pennsylvania, leading contender for the POP Primary race, accuses President O'Bama of Apostasy, and is planning an auto-da-fé this coming November to force him to be shunned by the members of religious groups, and then subjected to the formal punishment of burning at the stake, to rid his soul of its ungodly body.
Cardinal Sanatorium yesterday joined battle with issues of radical theology, claiming that O'Bama's God is not the true god of socially conservative republican acolytes.
"He wants to save the environment! Risk shouted to his supporters, "God gave us this Earth to take anything and everything from it, whatever the cost and damage. Do you read anywhere in the Gospels about Global Warming? No! It does not exist, it would be Hell on Earth; it is a tool of the Anti-Christ!"
With his eyes firmly set on the Papal Throne at St. Peter's, Sanatorium clearly wishes his followers to be quaking and wailing with the fear of everlasting Global Warming.
Not since the Jesuit cleansing of Central America and the Caribbean has such a fervour of torture and final punishments been visited upon a nation in such intensity.
"It is a sin to wear pullovers with sleeves." screeched Risk, "Our Lord never wore pullovers with sleeves!"
It is estimated that at least 4,500 people then braved the snow and cold and cast their sleeved pullovers into the flames.
As the Albigensian Crusade gains momentum, St. Bar-rack humbly said he would pray for the demented candidate.
