Former Apple Employee Claims He Was "Forced Into Being Someone He Was Not"

Funny story written by Sultan

Friday, 2 December 2011


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Former Apple Employee Claims He Was "Forced Into Being Someone He Was Not"
Jackson says he knitted this sweater to impress his employeer.

CUPERTINO -- A former employee of Apple Corporation claims he was forced to wear clothes he was "uncomfortable with" and adopt a personality that "was far from what he really was about" after a several-month long application, and only seven months on the job.

The twenty-six year old University of Illinois Engineering Graduate claims he was always interested in working for Apple, until after only two weeks on the job when his store manager asked that he "adjust his personality to the workplace" and learn to better "accessorize".

"I came in with a nice watch, and dress shoes, but the manager used her iPhone to explain what she meant by accessorize... She wanted me to wear cowboy boots, more armbands, and use a higher pitched voice which she described as a happy voice." Ian Jackson, of Chicago told us in referring to his first unpleasant experience working for Apple Corporation. "They weren't happy that I was "Normal"... they said I had to be more quirky... and the thing was that I couldn't leave, because I had applied and waited for the job for over nine months. Leaving seemed unthinkable."

Jackson claims he did attempt to be more "fun" and "lively" in the workplace, and even received an eyebrow piercing, and a nose ring, in hopes of impressing his employers.

"It worked" he says "until my girlfriend asked me what exactly was going on, and realized I had started to act different."

When asked to comment, an Apple Corporation Official dismissed Jacksons claims as nothing more than an attempt to misrepresent Apple's conduct with it's employees. The official likened the story to something of a smear campaign probably headed by Microsoft in an attempt to ward potential employees away from Apple Stores and attract them towards Microsoft commercial store locations.

Jackson claims Apple is the cause of his dissociative identity disorder. He has since left the job, and now uses an Android phone and Windows 7 laptop, both of which prefers to Apple Products. "I finally feel a lot more productive, and a lot more like myself" he told us.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more