Written by Ellis Ian Fields

Thursday, 24 November 2011

image for Microsoft Helpdesk Hospitalises Local Man
Mr Dvorak had a better experience.

A local man was rushed to hospital yesterday suffering from what doctors describe as a severe case of "shock and utter bewilderment."

He was apparently taken ill after a phone call to computer software giant Microsoft's helpdesk.

Mr Antonin Dvorak, who is no relation to the celebrated Czech composer, was described as "comfortable and well" today.

His wife, Pauline, said: "It all started about a month ago when my laptop wouldn't work. Tony was working, so I took it down to Argos where we bought it because I'd lost the receipt.

"Well they were helpfulness itself - they found their records, which showed it was still under warranty, and took it off me there and then to send it for repairs. Tony couldn't believe it when I told him - he thought I was messing about."

About a three weeks later Mrs Dvorak received a call to say that her computer, which had been fitted with a new hard drive, was ready and Mr Dvorak went to collect it.

"When I came home that day, he was in a state of disbelief again. 'It bloody works," he kept saying. 'That can't be right, can it?'

"But yesterday, he had to ring up the Microsoft help desk to get Office loaded again because when he tried the other night there was a problem with a web page or something. He wasn't looking forward to that call, I can tell you.

"Well, when I came home, there he was, just sitting there. 'They did it,' he said. 'Just like that... no problem... one phone call... helpful lady... just like that... no problem...' then he lowered himself to the floor and curled up into a foetus position and I rang the ambulance."

EIF News & Features' technology editor, Dave Gadget, says: "This condition has been known to strike when people have good experiences with software helpdesks - their brain cannot process the data and shuts down some non-vital functions.

"Recovery is usually pretty quick - but there is always the danger of a relapse when the victim's phone bill arrives and he sees how much the helpdesk call cost."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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