The Microsoft Tablet is Dead, Long Live the Felchmann Project

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Thursday, 3 November 2011

image for The Microsoft Tablet is Dead, Long Live the Felchmann Project
Chips for the Felch-Pad are the smallest in the industry.

Following the announced cancellation of the Courier tablet project by Microsoft, other small engineering firms are standing ready to pick up the slack and build their own version of a thin and highly functional tablet. Enter technology industry venture capitalist and electrical engineer, Barney Felchmann.

With a desire to enter the tablet market based on the Microsoft platform, Felchmann was held back by licensing restrictions on a tablet based operating system owned by Microsoft. Just as Apple only allows its iPad OS on Apple tablets, do did Microsoft want to hold that market for their own tablet computers. "Now that their internal tablet program is dead, small firms like us can pick up the pieces and move forward with viable solutions that aren't 5 inches thick and run on 'D' cell batteries", says Felchmann. "I was exaggerating a little on the dimensions", he added.

Holding a very thin 10 inch prototype tablet in his hands, Felchmann demonstrated the modified Windows operating system with full access to all Office business tools. "It works great actually, from word processing, spreadsheets to presentation software. This is the exact type of capability the business user can't get in an iPad. For business, nothing runs like a Felchmann".

Microsoft executives were not reached for comment, though the industry has long thought they never should have entered the hardware market. "Software is their business", says industry analyst Poindexter Meeker. "The smallest piece of hardware they make is the Xbox, and its still more than two inches thick. A tablet computer thicker than an Encyclopedia Brittanica? That wasn't going to fly. By that I mean literally. It was so heavy that airlines would have required that it be checked as freight".

Felchmann is gearing up his engineering team for a late December release. Marketing the new Windows based tablet will begin next week. The "Felch-Pad" will be in stores by this Christmas.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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