MEXICALI, Mexico - The Chief of Police of the bordertown of Mexicali has issued an official federal notification that his police department has located United States President Obama's stolen teleprompter in a piñata shop.
Police Chief Bolero Ochocinco informed the American ambassador to Mexico Alfredo del Volcano that he and Officer Huckleberry Hernandez had ridden to the piñata shop on a police motorcycle and had found the teleprompter after conducting an extensive search of several buildings in downtown Mexicali.
Chief Ochocinco stated that he immediately asked the piñata shop owner identified as Picante Pecos Torti, 54, what in the world he was doing with the stolen American president's teleprompter.
Torti replied in broken English that the teleprompter was being used to teach conversational English to soon-to-be illegal aliens.
After the Chief convinced Señor Torti that he was lying through his teeth he then asked him where he had gotten the teleprompter. The piñata shop owner looked down at his huaraches (sandals) as he took a bite out of his bean and chorizo breakfast taco and shook his head saying that he did not remember.
Chief Ochocinco asked him again but a little bit slower this time. Señor Torti grinned and said that he just did not seem to remember.
And with that Chief Ochocinco lost his patience and he grabbed Torti by his throat. He took out his AK-47 Russian-made automatic assault rifle, and carefully placed the barrel in one of Señor Torti's nostrils.
The Chief angrily told him that he was going to ask him one damn final time.
And instantly Señor Picante Pecos Torti started singing like a Yellowstone National Park canary, "Ah dee tellyprumtur chee was buyed by me from a white greengo man who zay tu me hees name wuzz Herman Cain and dat he would zel tu me dee tellyprumtur for $5,000 pesos [$374.36 U.S.], so I zay jes okey dokey hokey pokey tu heem."
Chief Ochocinco had Officer Huckleberry Hernandez place Picante Pecos Torti in handcuffs and arrest him for lying to a police chief, for having the nerve to act like he did not know information that he did in fact know, for acting like he was trying to bullshit his way out of a sticky situation, and for having an expired birth certificate.
As Torti was being led out to the police motorcycle he asked Officer Hernandez if he was going to read him his rights.
"Hey chief, did ju juss hear what el estupido Torti juss asked tu me about reading heem his rights?"
Chief Ochocinco put down his bottle of Corona Light. He walked over to where Torti was sitting handcuffed on the motorcycle.
The chief pointed his AK-47 at Torti's pee-pee. "So tell tu me, what did ju juss said tu Officer Hernandez one time again please my estupido toro droppings ameego?"
"Oh mi jefe (my chief). I wuss juss saying tu dee berry nice officer man how so berry pretty jur motorcycle chee ease"
"Bueno (okay) dat's what I tot dat ju had saided."
[EDITOR'S NOTE: The teleprompter will be FedExed pre-paid to the White House and it should get there in time for the president's speech on the very important upcoming vote on Arizona.]