David Cameron Calls for Tougher Sentences for Smaller Crimes

Funny story written by Karl Mercer

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

image for David Cameron Calls for Tougher Sentences for Smaller Crimes
William Hague grins menacingly as he watches us get tortured.

David Cameron spoke out this week in favour of tougher sentences for smaller crimes, in light of criticism on the handling of looters caught up in riots in the UK.

In an exclusive interview, Cameron was quoted as saying "Well, it is about time these Oiks got what is coming to them, donchaknow! I firmly believe that, on top of sentencing 4 years prison time for people who make silly comments on social networking websites, stealing a Mars bar should result in at least a firm brutalising at the hands of the police and shouting negative things about the Tory party should be punishable by death!"

When one individual in our party scoffed at such a remark, Cameron was very quick in passing the Public Scoffing Act 2011 - Which makes it illegal to scoff at the unelected dicta....Prime Minister's opinions an offence punishable by forced buggery.

These moves have been welcomed by the exceptionally uneducated, but extremist right wing middle classes who seem to be blind to their obvious disregard for any civil liberties that they may once have been under the misguided notion of having.

I personally believe that David Cameron is a silly toff with no idea what real life is like having been born with an enormous silver spoon in his mouth and...

N.B. We actually adore David Cameron and think these new, tougher measures will be fantastic for the Tory party...Pardon?...ARRRRGGGGHHHHH! Sorry not the Tory party, the people of Great Britain.

This rapid change in views has nothing to do with the Tomahawk cruise missile that accidentally deposited itself in our office....ARGH! What do you mean I wasn't supposed to mention that....OOOOOWWWW! It also has nothing to do with the rusty razor blades and handfuls of salt and streams of lemon juice currently aimed at our genitalia.

A just punishment for opposing the Tory party we must say and one made legal by the new Show Them Oiks Not to Mess With the Bullingdon Boys Act 2011.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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