Scotland - Their tin-foil linings aren't always visible to paparazzi lenses because of Palace deals aimed at stopping the Queen's relatives looking stoopid.
But yesterday's Edinburgh turnout saw a new outbreak of daft UFO-shaped fascinators as House of Windsor inbreds competed for attention at Zara Phillips' Cannongate Kirk nuptials.
Mother-of-the-bride Princess Anus had been expected to sport the UFO mothership of the headgear genus - but chickened out at the eleventh hour after an ex-NewsCorpse employee tip-off.
Instead she donned a bizarre wire-mesh back-of-head confection, carefully colour-coordinated with her bizarre, Oxfam-esque outfit.
A coral-hued corrugated plastic dress was topped off with a classicly hideous shortie-jacket that looked suspiciously like flock wallpaper from a nearby Tikka Masala takeaway.
Bringing up the rear in the ludicrous royal dress parade were Princess Beatrice and Eugenie whose own 'sideways saucers' competed favorably in the moronic millinery stakes with Kate Middleton's own Roswell-inspired take.
"They're all daft as a brush, heheh!" an officer at the RAF Menwithballs listening station commented this morning.
The Yorkshire security/intelligence facility has monitored signal emits from royal headgear for over a decade, frequently scrambling 'lunatic orders' sent from the Queen's own ass-ymmetrical Mad Hatter number.
"Their brains were fried long ago by her frantic queen bee-ish transmits," the RAF source added.
"Wanna see pix of Zara in the hot tub?"
