The latest news on Scotland's first Royal Wedding in nearly 20 years is that the ceremony, in which Zara Phillips - Princess Anne's daughter - is to tie the knot with England rugby star Mike Tindall at the Canongate Kirk on the Royal Mile, is still to go ahead. Kick-off is at 3pm.
The last Royal Wedding in Scotland was in 1992 when Princess Anne married Timothy Laurence. Strange spelling, that.
The Queen, Duke of Edinburgh and other token royals will join the bride's parents, Princess Anne and Captain Mark Phillips, for the extravaganza.
Prince Charles may also attend, along with Camilla, Duchess of Rothesay, William and Kate, Prince Harry, the recently-married Earl and Countess of Strathearn, the Earl and Earless of Dudley, Count Duckula, Count Down of Channel 4, and the Dukes of Hazzard.
Prince Andrew, known in Scotland as the Earl of Inverness, and daughters, Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie, may go, if they can be arsed.
Miss Phillips literally has a mouth full of teeth.
